Emotions, Sensitivity and Suffering

I had a revelation today. I am currently working through Julia Cameron’s, The Artists Way, morning pages and it's bloody challenging writing everyday in this way. But every day once you get the petulant, child out of the way i.e this is hard, there’s so many others things i could be doing, why did I decide to do this, I could just stop etc etc , there is always a nugget of something appears, a poem, an inspired thought, an alignment to who you truly are.

I am a hugely sensitive and emotional person and during this period of ill health I have really felt a little lost, overwhelmed by my symptoms, emotions and pain. But what I have come to realise and always do when healing is that it is all necessary.

There have been many times where all I have wanted to do is sit under the trees, reiki the earth, or just be close to nature. This is when I feel most myself. Truly me. There is also the business me, the money maker, the marketer, the supporter, the always switched on . That me I am discovering is the conditioned me. The people pleaser, the person who knows whats possible, and that it needs to be done a certain way. This was me, who attended university, got a degree, post graduate and felt inspired to follow a certain path. That was 20 year old me. Now 2 decades on a new me is forming.

The emotional and empathetic me has always been there. Shared with my family and community, but I often hid her. She felt weak, disempowered, SENSITIVE. That sensitive word has haunted me. I don't know when it first felt like a negative thing but whenever anyone says to me how sensitive I am, I feel my chest tighten, that I need to defend myself somehow, like it is a bad thing. My own healer said to me in my last session that I was one of the most sensitive people she knew. And it hurt, I felt a pang of embarrassment. Yet she never meant harm, she meant it as a blessing, a statement, that it was something to be valued.

Today I am learning more about that sensitivity and feelings. It was and has been, being revealed to me that I am here to support mother earth heal. That I am here to feel and transmute that pain. That everything I am feeling right now is not all my own, but is global, planetary and bigger than I can ever imagine.

I am learning to trust the guidance I am being given. I have asked how I can support this mission of reducing mother earths pain without taking it on, as my own, so that I can diffuse it and allow her to heal without compromising my own health. I am waiting for guidance on that.

What is coming through however is that we must reduce our own pain and suffering. Reduce segregation and polarisation. Create more harmony, peace and unity. To support others, To help others reduce their own internal pain and suffering.

Seems like a big mission right?

But how can you reduce your own pain? How can you love mother earth more deeply? How can you support others in pain?

This is only the beginning

With So Much Love

Susi xx